When Writing Inhibits Writing and Mysteries are Locked Away

For the last six months I have been writing every day. Sadly, the writing has not been of my choosing as much of my day job is writing and editing others writing. Subsequently my desire to continue my creative works has diminished. 

Too much of a good thing right? When all i do is write and edit during the day, the last thing I want to do is continue it at home. In spite of this, the story in my head hasn't stopped, but goes on and on begging me to bring it to life. I wish I could tell you of the detail that dances through my head like a traveling butterfly, making its one attempt to bring new life before it returns to the soil. 

I, even in the busiest times, wave my little butterfly net and jump and run after the flickering thoughts that threaten to vanish. If I could only captured them on paper I would be able to share them with you, that is my purpose. It is like trying to describe a roller coaster to a blind person, something I have tried to do, how to relate not only the sight and sounds but the intense, euphoric, and exhilarating panic that knifes through me when the rails disappear from sight and my stomach falls. 

I want you the reader to know the story that I do, I think you would get a kick out of it.

Review this!

I am afraid I may have hurtled myself headfirst into a 7-layer Pit of Despair. I just opened myself up to accept indie/self-published novels to read and review them. What was I thinking? I work twoish jobs, have three kids under five, and am writing my third fantasy novel. Oh and I try to blog once in a while. And I have three kids, including a baby…

Well, here is why I am doing it. In spite of the extra “work” and drain on time, I am forever indebted to those kind souls that have reviewed my own work and I want to give other striving authors the same small voice I have been given time and again. In our world of self-publishing, we authors know the painful truth. No matter how good your novel is, if no one knows it exists or if it is even worthy of reading the first pages, it will not succeed. Reviews are the gold bullion behind the cash that can and may one day begin to flow into the pockets of worthy writers.

To all you authors, please do yourself a favor and read other self-published work that fit the genres you have an interest in. Better yet, when and if you have the time, give feedback through a review. This not only expands your understanding of what is out there in your niche but it also sends a message that we are in this together as indie authors. Of course there will be times when you will not have many positive things to say about someone’s work. When this happens and you are determined to write a review, do the author of the book a favor. Send them the negative review before publicizing to the world and frame it with the positives. As a writer yourself, remember the blood, sweat and tears that poured from you over the years of struggle and give the other author some respect for actually completing their work. Do not take me wrong, I am not shy to describe the negatives when necessary, but I try to open my mind a bit and encourage those who may fit the target audience of the book more than me to try it out. I know I do not read much of the uber-successful genres like paranormal, etc, and just because the story or characters or writing style does not work with me, does not mean others would not like it. Bottom line, please to not write a review to tear down the author or their work, write the review to highlight the target audience and attempt to mix positive with the negative. Yes, we as authors are in competition for the attention, money, and adoration of the population, but we are also the largest group of like-minded and truly understanding folks, and the opportunity for support and encouragement is vast. 

To all those who read reviews and use them to know what novel to purchase or spend time reading, take all reviews with a grain of salt. Look for patterns. If a similar thing that piques your interest is stated again and again, there is probably more truth to it than if you only see the same tidbits in one or two. These patterns can be framed negatively or positively. Some people love to digest 800 page tomes that lay out every tiniest spec of information or detail of the world while others like more action filled or character oriented works at the cost of detail or page count.

My preferred method to choose whether or not to buy a book is to read the first few pages. Yes, I look at reviews, but I ultimately choose by sampling the product myself. Luckily these days many online sites give you the option to read the first pages or chapters of a given book. It’s free and only takes a few minutes of your time. You never know, you may read the two negative reviews of a book, disregard the free sample, and miss out on the next New York Times bestseller.

For all you readers: (Reviews = Increase in Sales, decent potential for success. No Reviews = Little to no Sales, barely existent potential for success). If you truly enjoy a novel, get some pleasure from it, please do the author the greatest favor you ever could, write a review, tell a friend. Do not for a second think that the author only needs the $0.99 you shelled out to get the book. If you give an author a dollar and do not publicly broadcast that you did so willingly, happily, and maybe would do so again, it does little more than give the author a jolt of encouragement that quickly turns to despair when that dollar remains single. A review does not have to be a couple paragraphs or a rundown of what the book was about. A single sentence and a star rating can be as powerful since many people and databases only look at the # of reviews, positive vs negative, to guide their buying habits. It takes an average reader a couple weeks to get through a book. Another five minutes is not asking for much.

Which is why I as an author myself am beginning this crazy endeavor to review other indie authors. I know the work that goes into these receptacles of passion.

My kids and their ideas

We have begun a new tradition in our house. At the dinner table during the meal me and my wife will sometimes take turns telling prince and princess stories after our 4 and 2 year old beg long enough. The best part is when they take over the storytelling. Fascinating tales of young boys and girls going on adventures and meeting all sort of crazy colored creatures. I need to write some of the stories they tell down. 

I love the mind of children...it is not much different than mine.

For Fantasy sake!

What are the clearly defined and strict sub-genres of Fantasy? Sorry, there are none. Yes, there may be an amorphous framework to work within, but Fantasy is an open world of possibilities and that is what draws me as a writer and a reader. I want to be surprised, shaken, and dismayed. Equal (or not) parts, realism, the fantastical, and other worldly. As long as the storyline and writing is good and the protagonist is solid and relatable I welcome all the craziness Fantasy has to offer.

Undead warriors that breathe fire? Ok. Dragons that can’t fly, talk with British accents, and drink bourbon? Sure. Rocks that can’t gather moss to save their lives, have dreams of ruling the world, and come in all colors? Why not. If these things are encapsulated inside a rich and vivid setting that pulls me in and allows me to imagine experiencing the story from the characters view, bring it on.

That is one of the joys of writing Fantasy. I never get bored and the world that I have created can always expand and change in countless ways as long as, as a whole, it all feels believable on the most basic of levels. My novels have it all, humans, goblins, evil and mysterious creatures, tribal people groups, scientists, miners, feline folk, steamships, gadgets, dark apothecary, knights, medieval setting, reanimation, political machinations, inter-family conflicts, pain, grief, friendship….the list goes on and on.

I enjoy reading both Fantasy and Sci-Fi and I had fun melding some of each genre together. Where Fantasy generally uses magic or a mysterious force I used natural science to fill that gap and offer some of the same possibilities based on a more “realistic” foundation. I can argue that my “magic” is based in a kind of physics system, though I would not want to attempt it with any knowledgeable professional. I fused technologies to include solar fueled gadgets, steampunk-like machines and basic horse drawn wagons in a way that fits believably into the set time and place.

Fantasy allows the writer to build possibilities and wonders and if successful, puts it together in such a way as to elevate the reader out of the here and now into the created reality.

Of course, Fantasy as a genre is like saying I am a human. There are so many differing sub-genres that take the Fantasy title and expand or restrict to certain paths and places. For instance there is Paranormal Fantasy that generally takes the world as we know it and throws a wrench into the works, like, oh and by the way there are these folks, that you know, like to bite you in the neck, and you know, suck your blood…in modern day Lithuania.

I grew up reading mostly Epic Fantasy and tend to write in that framework. This sub-genre connects with the romantic in me as it generally has a protagonist that is thrown into a heroic fight to save their way of life and or the world as they know it. There is clear darkness and growing light.

Please let me know your favorite Fantasy sub-genre and why in the comments! 

Let your experience color your writing

  When I began to wrestle with the concept of my first The Seeker’s Burden novel, An Emerging Threat, I was in the middle of a thirteen month vacation in Eastern Baghdad. And when I say vacation, I of course mean a mind numbing and life changing military deployment. I fought against the sameness of working 10 hours a day 7 days a week month after month by diving into another world of my own making. It was an escape from the chaos I had little ability to effect. I journeyed to the Tri-Islands and went on adventures with the characters I began to bring to life. Like the world I was physically stuck in, the world of The Seeker’s Burden was coming apart at the seams.

Eastern Baghdad from above

  Danger lurked in the periphery of the land and within the ranks of those that governed. There was pain and death and grief. I could have begun, continued and ended in that way, but I as a desperate romantic, strove even as my heroes on the pages did. There was friendship and light and hope even in the darkness.

Morning Drive

  Some of the people and circumstances that my characters experience are direct reflections of my time in Iraq. In a way it was healing to put those things in writing, to acknowledge the horror, place it within a fictional place, and forge ahead. Now don’t get me wrong, I was one of the fortunate ones. I was never placed in the position where I had to use force against another human being. My heart goes out to those that were not so lucky, the ones that will have that shadow weighing them down their entire lives. I was blessed to come out of a war as physically and mentally whole as I did.

Morning Stroll

  The experiences I lived through in battle-ruined and down trodden Baghdad were incorporated in myriad ways into my Fantasy series. Arrogance, hate, vileness, and fear. Beauty, mystery, compassion, and courage. I am thankful for the experiences and they continue to color my writing and daily life.

The author (on the left)

The Slump

I have been stuck lately. The storyline for the third and final book in my fantasy series, The Seeker’s Burden, is bursting at the seams of my mind in its attempts to make it onto paper, but the physical requirement of fingers on keys has been met with resistance. I went through a similar phase between books one and two, where for several months I paced lethargically before my computer, stealing guilty glances at the waiting keyboard. The story was running laps in my head, waving its arms and screaming at the top of its lungs. It was driving me crazy, I felt like a too full balloon. Then suddenly, I began to write and in just over three months the first draft of book two was complete.

It is routinely called writer’s block, but I call it a breakdown in the physical manifestation of mental knowledge. Sounds smarter.

All I know is, based on my small breadth of experience, I should expect to be able to breakdown the mental barriers and put my fingers to work soon.  I have to remind myself constantly that yes, I am having difficulty expressing what is inside, but in spite of this I have finished two books in the very recent past. I am proud of that. The hardest part of writing is over, completing the first book. For me, once the first was complete and available for purchase, it was as if a door was thrown open and my personally forged chains were cast away.

My passion for writing goes back to my childhood and is only growing stronger. I am in a slump, but I will pick myself up and forge ahead soon enough. Writing is becoming a reason for joy and the reinvigoration of the desire to produce something tangible and singularly mine.

Feel free to reply with some of the blocks that have hampered your writing or other artistic endeavors. I would love to talk to others struggling to voice what is inside.

I like a good bad guy

When my wife recently read a passage of my latest novel, Path of Darkness, and visibly recoiled and grimaced I got excited. When she told me that the creature in question was gross and disturbing, I was elated. Mission accomplished.

I have always enjoyed great bad guys in fantasy and sci-fi; Darth Vader, Sauron, and the demons, Reaper, and Jakara in the Shannara series. The juxtaposition between the good of the main characters and the evil and threat of the enemy serves up the most exciting and sometimes poignant moments in stories.

We all want a clear bad guy. I think it gets down to this; if we have a clear enemy, a clear antithesis to all we understand as good and moral, the easier it is to decide on your path in life. Not only that, but there is the feeling of success when there is even the smallest of victories. As simple as speaking a kind word and giving someone your time when the enemy inside wishes nothing but me, me, me.

Fantasy allows me personally to live out and visualize my desire in life. Live morally and fight against the evil in the world. The bad guys in the best of this genre celebrate the hard, drawn-out struggle of good vs evil. The best is never easy, never pretty, armor is torn and wounds inflicted. Without the pain and hardship, the sweetness of success when it finally comes would be lost.

I love a good bad guy when those that struggle against it/them never give up though grief and loss gathers close around them and threatens to pull them down. The art of writing a bad guy that can and should destroy the hero is allowed to show its power before coming to its end by the combined desperation of good.

Without desperate struggle against evil this life and these novels would be extremely dull.

Burn Out

As a writer, I have experienced this routinely. When I’m on, I’m on and meet or exceed my personal goal of a minimum 1000 words per sit down. Then there are the days where the desire to write exists but the ability to put digital pen to paper drains to zero. This is ok. Writing is not my full time job, no matter how much I would love that, I am consumed with my day job, my other job and spending precious time with my wife and kids. At times, when I am able to set away time to write, as I sit down, the words that had been ready to pour through my typing fingers get stuck in place.

The good news for all that have been or are bogged down in the pit of despair as the story that you had been close enough to touch fades into the distance, is that the rain will come, washing the cobwebs from your mind and freeing your consciousness. Make sure to take advantage of these times. When I began to write book one of my Fantasy series, The Seeker’s Burden, I wrote nearly two chapters and then flailed my way through a drought of three to four years. I would often sit down to add to the story only to break down within mere sentences. The ability to make it through a full paragraph was heralded as a great success.  

Then one day in December 2012 the clouds parted and the words tumbled from me in a violent stream. Each new character bolstered my passion, each experience and story twist begged to be followed by more words until the book was suddenly done three months later. I wrote chapter after chapter, the total story holding my attention. Once the book was done and in the editing process, I was burned-out. Though I continued making notes and theorizing about the direction of the story arc, it took a couple months to want to get back into the hard work of writing.

Suddenly, I was once again hard at it, struggling to type before the screaming flow of words and information overtook my ability cope with the task. Within four months book two was written and in the editing process. I now have both books published and find myself back in the in-between space of contrasting lethargy and desire. At least this time I know that eventually, and soon I hope, the desire will overcome and I will once again be in the fight to get the words on paper before they are lost in the following words straining for my attention.

A word of encouragement. Do not give up. If you have the desire to write, the words will eventually build up until they are able to scale the ramparts of your mind and stream through the breach with bagpipes leading the charge. Be ready for that time. Allow yourself time, even when you are unable to write, to just sit and think about writing. Think about the story until the world or situation you want to write about becomes a part of you to the point that when someone asks a question about a gap in the story, you will be able to effortlessly fill it and more.

Enjoy it. If writing frustrates you, take some time away from it. Treat it like a relationship where sometimes a moment alone goes a long way to ease the tension. Do not force it until you hate the process. Write something you would want to read and open yourself to the possibility that however long it takes, the process, the creation and evolution of the characters and worlds, are what truly matters.

Completing a manuscript does not hurt either.

The Aftermath

One of the many surprises that have come out of writing books is the breadth of experience I have received. Not only have my feeble English skills been put to the test time and time again, but I have been forced to learn marketing, formatting using © Adobe programs, graphics and layout, and more.

As hard as writing is at times, I have been blown away by the aftermath of a finished manuscript. I may or may not have a private victory party in my head when the final words leave my brain and meander their way to the page that gives them a certain permanency. The mental hangover soon hits, threatening to dissuade me from ever partaking in the bliss that is completing a book again.

My timeline has been getting shorter but still holds to a certain format (To clarify, I hold a full time job and have toddlers at home and my editors and artists have similar constraints). The bulk of the writing (Creation) ends after four to five months and then the editing (Quality Control) process begins. Depending on how many editors the time needed to let them do their thing is roughly one to two months. Then the finalized text must be formatted and the typesetting must be done (Production), taking another two weeks or so. Another part of production is the cover art, which in my case takes up to three months of back and forth due (during the writing) to limited availability of time on the artist’s part.

I need to find some pain relievers just thinking about it… Once all the separate parts have been completed I then submit the files to be made into a book. I wait a week and receive the first of a couple proof copies and two weeks later I officially publish. A sigh of relief. Until the next day when I start checking the sales of course. Oh, and did I mention marketing?

So about a six month process with a lot of moving pieces that I mostly enjoy doing but causes white hairs to compete with my brain for supremacy of the general head area. Is it worth it? Personally, yes it is. I wish any aspiring Author could hold a completed book in their hands, the feeling of accomplishment and pride is worth every painful and rewarding moment. Even then I do not consider myself an Author as the title denotes a sense of experience and legitimacy that I do not feel I have the right to. But, the following definition is open ended enough that I feel somewhat less uncomfortable with others calling me the prestigious title:

Author: a person who writes a novel, poem, essay, etc. (Dictionary.com)

Whew…that etc. sure helps.

Honestly, I have enjoyed the experience and plan to continue to write for many years. If anyone would like to ask questions or just commiserate with me, please comment below or sign up for the newsletter on the contact tab for more dialog on the writing process and my Fantasy series.

This is me

I am an avid reader. You might say an extremely passionate reader. For as long as I can remember, I read. Whether it was historic America or Europe, Narnia, Middle Earth, or the Four Lands of Shannara, I spent hours of each day of my childhood in the worlds authors had created. Before kids, my Mother had been a high school English teacher and she taught me and my siblings the joy of reading. By the time I was 12, she had read A Tale of Two Cities, The Hobbit, Les Miserables, and Where the Red Fern Grows to us, among many, many others. Every afternoon we would gather in the living room and listen to my Mother read for an hour.

  Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, Louisa May Alcott, James Fenimore Cooper, Robert Louis Stevenson, Laura Ingalls Wilder and Arthur Conan Doyle were as influential in my life as Louie L’Amour, C. S. Lewis, J. R. R. Tolkien, Terry Brooks, Timothy Zahn, Isaac Asimov and Dr. Seuss.

  I was homeschooled, and because of the amount and type of reading, my Mother never focused on teaching English. That was a good and bad decision. Of course reading gave me the English and reading comprehension skills that enabled me to ace every annual testing and the English sections of the ACT, but what I lacked was knowledge of grammar in writing. Until I took my first college class in my senior year of high school, the only papers I had written were a couple book reports in middle school. The first paper I wrote for the college class was covered in red. It was a cold dose of reality. I had a lot to learn.

  I wrote for fun in high school and college, thinking I was a better writer than I truly was. I attempted poetry, short stories, and even a song or two with little to no success. I kept at it after college and tried to begin countless books or stories. The ideas were there but they never survived the trip from my head to the paper. Writers block was constant. Then in Iraq in 2008 I wrote two chapters of my current novel, An Emerging Threat. I also sketched the map that my sister has since turned into a masterpiece. Every few months after that I would try to go back and write more of the book with little success. A paragraph or two the most I was able write at a time.

   Finally, in December 2012 it clicked. I began writing and four months later the first draft was complete. The two original chapters remain in the book, though they have been heavily edited since. The writing of the novel has been a blast. From trying to figure out the storyline for the entire series and watching it mutate as I went, to figuring out the publishing side of things. I am now hooked by the characters that inhabit the world inside my head and in the pages of my novel and I am well on my way to finishing book two; Path of Darkness.